Mission: “Find America”

I’m on an adventure. An adventure that is really the first opportunity for me to conquer the American midwest. Sure I’ve made trips to Florida and even West Virginia, but nothing across the great wide Mississippi River (St. Lois doesn’t count) and especially not to Montana. It’s an adventure similar to those first pioneers of the great red, white, and blue who set out not only on an adventure but often times to create for themselves a new life. Life was full of hardship and struggle but at the end of the day they had what mattered most, freedom and “America”. I’m after “America”.

“America” used in this context ushers on a feeling of pride, a sense that nothing in the world can topple us. It reminds us of when the U.S. hockey team beat the Soviets in the Olympics, when we got to the moon first, and when you take a large swig of Coca-Cola Classic. “America” is the white picket fences in front of the red barns, it’s the crack of a baseball bat and a six-four-three double play, it’s the older gentleman on his front porch smoking a worn tobacco pipe. It’s the old beat up Chevrolet truck sitting in the grass lot next to the country church with two big white doors and a steeple that reaches into heaven. It’s the highways and the interstates, the schools and hospitals, the little league fields and the professional stadiums, it is the urban areas and the suburbs, it’s the drug stores, shoe stores, and super stores. America is a place but it is and always has been a way of thinking. A wise man once told me “You don’t find love, love finds you” and I would have to agree that you don’t find “America”, it finds you. 

Foreign Encounter

Ladies and Gents, my trailer is up at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcGS4if9xZI. Please go watch. This will be all.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Pope Has His Swag Turned On.

“Its like the more money we come across, The more problems we see”-Notorious B.I.G (may he rest in peace).

I’m going to start this piece off by stating some facts.

I’m a Protestant.

I’m Southern Baptist.

When I hear indulgences I think about eating chocolate and other forms of dessert.

So this stated, going to the center of the Catholic and pre-protestant Christian world was pretty eye opening. We started off our day by going to what I would call the “Pope Parade”. We paid a little extra euro to go, and got standing room near the back of the fence because our professor knew that the Vicar of Christ would be coming near there. Since we are all journalism students we needed that heads up to get the best angle for our shots (not with a gun, a camera, who do you think we are). After fighting off some either french or italian middle schoolers for our positions on the wall we set up shop and awaited his arrival. Those kids smelled horrible.

Quick interjection: Why is that no one else cares about body odor? Seriously, people it’s the 21st century. It’s not even that costly anymore. Buy a little soap, some deodorant, and maybe some cologne. Seriously.

Then here he came wearing his all white robes looking like a slightly more respectable Saturday Night Fever John Travolta or me at prom.And I know a lot of people are going to say things like “Weren’t you impressed by the grandeur of his security detail including the Swiss Guard which has been serving the papacy since 1506?” or “How amazing was it to see all those people representing over fifty different countries throughout the world and to hear the address in at least four different languages?”. To which I will reply “No not really because that’s too mainstream Pope for me.” What wasn’t mainstream Pope for me was how tricked out his new “Popemobile” was.

He was showing off his swag in a custom designed Mercedes-Benz G500 Cabriolet. It was the open topped version so he didn’t ride around in his bubbled one. And it had a hugh Mercedes decal on it. You know they must of set up a nice deal to be able to show off on the front of the Most powerful man of Faith’s ride like that. In the lineage of the popemobile this one has to be my favorite apart from the Leyland 24-ton garbage truck lookalike.

Besides the popemobile the Holy See shows off it’s money in a number of other ways. From Raphael’s (the red ninja turtle) four rooms in which he shows off his fresco paintings and completed the famed “School of Athens” which takes up a huge wall and has several famous artists and thinkers hidden inside. To the Sistine Chapel which was done mostly by Michaelangelo (the orange ninja turtle) which of course your not supposed to take pictures inside (haha oops).

To conclude I would finally like to comment on St. Peters church. It is freaking enormous. OJ Simpson could drive his white bronco around in there for days without being caught by the five-oh. Ok that might be a stretch but it is enormous. Sorry Glasgow Baptist but I believe three of you could fit inside this place with room to spare.

Until next time, peace.

Dirt Off Your Shoulder

I’d like to douse the fire that is the raging flame of hatorade on my purchase at the italian flea market, Porta Portese but first some background.

 I’m what you would call a hat guy. I like to wear a hat on occasion. However not just any type of hat works. I like to wear baseball caps in the Franchise style in a XL size (I have a large melon). I won’t wear a fedora, cowboy hat or turban, because those are just silly. I will occasionally wear a trucker/tobacco hat but only backwards, never cocked to side or frontwards. Ever since Ashton Kutcher started rocking the trucker hat, their is a massive necessity by the people in my age group to establish their image with this style. You may see bands or popular products advertised on such hats but I try to shy away from these very popular hats and find ones that no one has seen before. Which brings us to our issue.

I bought in my opinion the sweetest Denver Broncos throwback trucker hat I have ever seen. It is blue billed with matching mesh, a white front with the 1968-1996 logo in front of teal and orange stripes with Denver Broncos text below. It is the culmination of everything that I know is good and just between hats and sports. It is a reflection of my favorite player John Elway who led the Broncos to two super bowl titles and is a Pro football hall of famer. It reminds me of watching Terrell “TD” Davis scoot into the endzone against the Packers in Superbowl XXXII. And there are those who would like to question my fanhood by asking me questions like “Hey Barrett, were you a fan when the Broncos were in AFL before the merger?” or “Hey Barrett, did you see when Tom Jackson played for the Broncos?” and I have to answer with no, mainly because that would’ve been impossible because it was before I was born. But I did wear my Elway jersey to football practice every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and even sometimes on Friday during Little League. And I did track down this hat.

However, for some reason there are those who would rather drop a couple ounces of hater-ade on my hat purchase than to give it the true respect that a hat like this deserves.  So to quote another famous modern philosopher, Jay-Z, “All the rappers be hatin, off the track that I’m makin. But all the hustlers they love it just to see one of us make it.” You’re going to have to decide for yourself what that means to you because to me it says “You wish you had a hat like this”.

Until next time, peace.

To All My Fans………..Yes All 8 of You

Some say that love is an emotional thing only, others argue that love is based solely on physical aspects. Love reaches my soul through pieces of earthly created provisions that fill my heart up with gladness. Translation: I love food. Big guys have to eat. The SJB group took a cooking class from a gentleman named Andrea (yes Andrea but he was the man) at the restaurant le fate yesterday. Andrea, you could tell really cared about the art of cooking. Born in Italy, he has moved around the world learning and working in the culinary arts. He has worked in Australia, different spots in Italy and the U.S. in San Francisco. His english was very good and I’m assuming it would need to be with all his travels and dating an American girl. He taught us a lot of stuff I’m sure. But, it was kind of hard to pay attention, there was a lot of stuff to play around with. The best part was learning how to make homemade pasta,linguine style, as well as the best chocolate souffle I have ever had. The only problem is that now that I’ve had this cooking lesson, I’m actually going to have to use it when I get back home. Watch out Pops I’m about to own the kitchen.

Just for all my fans out there who support my aspiration to become a well-admired film director (who makes his one blockbuster so that he can afford enough money to buy his dad a car so that he can shave his beard off because he has never seen his father in his real life of almost 20 years without facial hair), I’m making a movie trailer in Rome. The film (if I make it) will be called Foreign Encounter. Shot in black and white, the trailer involves an epic mysterious figure whose name is unknown (played by Americo Capadgli) who receives an anonymous phone call and sets out to find our other mysterious figure (played by Lee Cox). The Co-Writer/Director is Prof. Mac Mckerral, whose decision to place the film in a film noire genre has greatly impacted the production. Just a heads up for you guys, so keep your eyes open for its mid June release. This is my first follow up since the tragic loss of the last of the trilogy, Jr’s Unit.

Until next time, peace.

A Certain Quality I’d Like To Share With You

Thanks to an old friend who showed me a tactic of writing that I like to call “Quotes of Greatness,” I give you Young Jeezy, “My president is black, and my Lambou’s blue…..” This of course works in America, however it is wrong, and I mean dead wrong, in Italy. How do I know this? I know because earlier today I was at his house. I even got to take a picture of him. He’s a little bald Italian man with glasses named GiorgioNapolitano. Today was Italy’s Independence Day basically, or when they celebrate the anniversary of forming the Republic. You’re asking yourself right now what exactly that means. Well I don’t really know. What I do know, however, is that our group, our Rome guide Zack, and about oh I don’t know, let’s say a couple ten thousand people, got to tour around his house the only day it was open to the public, for FREE!!! It was kinda cool, but I’ll be honest, you can’t beat the White House. I mean yeah Italy’s presidential palace is bigger than the White House but it lacks a certain quality that I’d like to share with you.

When you look into the eyes of a bald eagle and chant that oh so familiar phrase “U-S-A, U-S-A,” you feel a sense of pride. Yeah it may be a little disillusioned now by all those naysayers who want us to be just another country. And I say that’s all good and well but we’re something more. Yeah we do get weird looks over here, and yes they do know what country I’m from by how I stand, but I like it. You know why I like it? Because I’m from America (pronounced: AH-MURR-EH-KA. Say it if you’d like). That’s why the White House is more awesome.

We also went to the Colosseum. “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” If I had this quote with me, it would’ve been non-stop. I would’ve fought somebody probably. However beyond this I don’t know much about the Colosseum, we will tour later in the week.

I will end with by far the best part of my day. I got to go to the fountain where the Illuminati tried to drown the last remaining Preferiti in “Angels and Demons.” So my new goal is to complete the quest of going to each of the remaining three places in thebook where the Preferiti were killed. They freaking love Tom Hanks here. I’ll admit I’m a fan but they really like him. Alright, well I guess I’ll conclude by sharing some things I learned today.

1. I like to eat on schedule.

2. If you know history, share it. People will appreciate you. If you’re not sure, make something up convincing and then check it later.

3. Standing in line is so overrated but definitely worth it occasionally.

4. Getting absolutely crushed is just part of being a broadcaster. I don’t want to be a broadcaster if I get crushed often.

Until Next time, Peace.

I miss my car. If you were here you’d understand. Getting from here in Capri, an Island on the bay of Naples, to Mt. Vesuvius which we can see from here, took us like four hours. Bus ride, Boat ride, Bus ride, Train ride, private Bus ride, long hike that really hurt my calves and made me rethink my lack of fitness-Mt. Vesuvius. And every ride costs money. However, once we got to the chasm, that ended a town and changed the face of history a couple thousand years ago, it was pretty cool. The view was nice. You could see Capri, Naples and Sorrento probably. I don’t really know because it was kinda cloudy and I had my glasses on, but I’m assuming on a clear day with decent vision you could. The highlights of Vesuvius were that they had peanut M&Ms at the store at the top, which of course I bought and engulfed, thanking God that at one time an American company decided to go international with their chocolate goods. And that I fell walking down the mountain because the path changed from gravel to cobblestone. An older Italian speaking woman yelled something at me that I’m going to use my gut feeling to translate. “Oh….You alright? You kinda fell there. Oh you’re okay. That’s good. Haha. You just did the Pompeii pose.”

After Vesuvius our journey took us to another train which we rode, got off, got back on because we got out at the wrong stop and got off again at Pompeii. Before we left the states, we were told to get these cards that show that you are in fact a student and could probably get you discounts. At the ticket counter at Pompeii I asked the lady if it helped to which she replied “What country are you from?” in a dirty Italian accent. I told her “Uh…..American.” She said “………..No, you pay the same.” Dang card. So I got my ticket. After lunch which I somehow thought was at 2 and was really at like 430, man time flies, we decided to go see the ruined city. But there is a catch.

I’m filming for a story that I’m doing and Rico is voicing. We get a couple shots of the outside and maybe three of the inside. As we are trying to shoot a stand-up or a monologue, a crowd of about thirty people touring the city gather around behind us. Rico is having trouble with the pressure, bless his heart, but is doing okay at delivering his lines when out of nowhere the Pompeii press release mafia come and shut us down. We show our press passes that are made of two pieces of paper that have been laminated which resemble Bible School nametags, but they don’t budge. “Let say I’m a journalist in America, and I come to your house and start shooting pictures. You are happy, no? No you are not this is the same.” Please stop, go back and read it again. This is what the gentleman said to us in broken italian accented english, and I don’t get how my house and the lost city of Pompeii are anywhere near the same thing. So after being kicked out of Pompeii for an illegal journalistic expedition. We barely make it on the train to head back to Sorrento to Catch our ferry back to Capri where we will sleep. But again, there is a catch.

We get to the ferry ticket station after a train ride, bus ride, thirty yard walk. And come to find out that the 20:05 ferry that we had been counting on didn’t exist. Needless to say we were kind of stranded. Lucky for us, our professor had connections on the Island and got us two little speed boats which came and got us, and took us the forty minutes across the Bay of Naples. We all had our cameras out luckily because as we got out of the harbor at Sorrento, we saw this massive yacht which we are pretty sure belonged to Microsoft founder William “Bill” Gates. Until I googled it and found out it is owned by Paul Allen co-founder of Microsoft. It was called the “Octopus” and had two helicopters. I really want a yacht. Anyway after we got out of the yacht’s massive shadow, we got to see possibly the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. So all in all everything turned out great and I slept for thirteen hours last night. YES. Until next time. Peace.

Being Tall Hurts

What up. RAP is not music now apparently. According to some of the more educated members on our trip. I’m not going to argue with them because I feel I am backed up by a quote from the great philosopher Kanye West “….wait till I get my money right…..then you can’t tell me nothing, right?”

Alright but anyways…. We are still in Capri. Did some mighty fine things today. Went and saw the legendary, epic, super over exaggerated Blue Grotto. We took a bus from our B’n’Bs to the ruins of Roman Emperor Tiberius’s secondary palace. He had twelve on this three mile island. Why he had twelve? I can only answer this with “WHY NOT?” He was the most powerful man in the world at the time. I feel like after he got up and ate a large bowl of Frosted Flakes or whatever Emperors ate for breakfast, he walked outside stared at Sorrento, Naples, and part of the Roman Navy and thought to himself for a minute “I feel like I run this, and I run it well.” After checking out his seaside view for a bit, we walked to the Blue Grotto which we could see right below the palace. However since topography decided to laugh at us it was a thirty minute walk down the winding, twisting, downhill road. Have you ever seen the part of the Tour de France when Lance is in the mountains and there are like a million curves? Ok, well Capri’s roads are like that but on amphetamines. Once we got to the Blue Grotto, all complaining of lower leg pain and breathing like the kid picked last in dodgeball, we walked down to the entrance where I hit my head.

Okay let me pause real quick. I’m 6’2”, maybe on a good day. Not really that tall by American standards. I have hit my head on every dang thing in this blessed country. I hit my head on the airplane, the shower head, branches, vines, people, chairs, and yes even a street sign. How do you head butt a street sign? I don’t really know but I have accomplished it.

After I hit my head, let out a sigh of mild depression and regained my composure, I got into a row boat that was waiting to monopolize the Blue Grotto tourism by overpricing tourists to look at a body of water, that while blue and yes very beautiful, not compelling enough to keep my interests. My interests where more focused on the group of Asian tourists who were actually giddy with excitement during the three minute tour of the grotto. It was funny. I still managed to shoot a pretty good B-roll for the story that my team is producing for the web though.

So what did I learn today?

Tiberius=The Man

Walking a mile flat is way better than a mile with elevation change.

Sometimes in life people are going to overcharge you for something that you think is going to be life changing, let them because you’ll probably get something out of it anyway

Being tall sucks in Italy.

Until next time, Peace.

Getting Here

Hello. I’m Barrett. I’m sitting here in the room of our B’n’B, Il Grappolo, enjoying the slight ocean breeze coming off the Bay of Naples here in Anacapri, but I want to be real honest. While this is an awesome place, it’s absolutely the worst place to get to from Glasgow, Ky. I’m going to do my best to give the short version of our travels:

Glasgow drive to Bowling Green, Bowling Green Drive to Nashville: 1 hour 30 min. Packed into a Car with Rico, his girlfriend, and a buddy of ours, I say packed because our luggage was ridiculous.

Nashville to Chicago: 1 hour 30 min. Pretty normal flight, I had a Diet Coke.

Chicago to Rome: 8 hours 47 min. also included however were 1 hour of the most uncomfortable sleep of my life, getting hit in the knees at least twelve times by an old woman in the economy seat in front of me, seeing an Italian couple, steal a Georgia Tech student’s seat who then sat by me and passed out on my shoulder at least twice and kept me from getting to the restroom for at least half an hour because I felt like waking him up was rude.

Rome to Naples: 1 hour 50 min. Okay so this is where it got weird. We took a little train to get to a big train! Then we got on a bigger train where I was stared down by a lady with dark beady eyes the whole trip and Rico passed out face first on the foldable table. I was told that train travel is over exaggerated by Harry Potter. I would have to agree being that it was my first time and I was not impressed.

Naples to Capri: 1 hour 20 min. HOT. It was really hot. I did actually feel like I was in Italy finally though. And Capri is beautiful. It’s basically an Italian Hilton Head Island except it emanates history.

So what I learned in short form is flying across the Atlantic hurts. Italy is beautiful and the majority of people are really pretty nice, there are a couple outliers though. And finally I learned that all people regardless of background really have a lot of similarities. The old men that sit at McDonalds (you know the guys I’m talking about) are the counterparts of the old men who sit outside the Cafe’. They both sip coffee all day. My next goal is to find somewhere on this island to play basketball. We’ll see. Until next time take care.